


Behind the Eagle's Nest

by aretia



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Animals, Crack, Enemies to Friends, Fluff, Humor, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), M/M, Other, POV Multiple, Pining Crowley (Good Omens), Talking Animals, Zoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24051178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aretia/pseuds/aretia
Summary: The Haven Zoo is home to a spoiled eagle named Gabriel, whose fussy eating habits make life a nightmare for his keeper, Aziraphale. Gabriel's cozy life is about to change when a wild opossum, affectionately nicknamed "Beelzebub" by the zoo's chef Crowley, breaks into his enclosure looking for a fight.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub & Gabriel (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 174





	Behind the Eagle's Nest

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Polar Opposites](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23129164) by [summerofspock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerofspock/pseuds/summerofspock). 



Gabriel was enjoying a pleasant dream of soaring through the clouds when he was startled awake by a metallic clatter. His eyes scanned the dark enclosure, and spotted a little white snout nosing its way into his food bowl. Gabriel swooped down to the ground and spread his wings threateningly, which he hoped would be enough to fend off any intruders. 

_ What are you doing in MY food bowl? _ he shrieked.

To his surprise, the opossum didn’t flee, as he expected any animal small enough to be prey would do when faced with an imposing bald eagle. Instead, they reared back and hissed at him.  _ I didn’t see you eating it.  _

Gabriel’s squawk was more quizzical this time.  _ That’s because it’s cold, obviously. I only eat meat when it’s warm, like it’s fresh from the hunt. _

_ As if a domesticated wimp like you has ever hunted anything in your life, _ the opossum snarled back. They sunk their teeth into the slice of salmon in his bowl, and made to drag it off. 

_ Give it back!  _ Gabriel screeched, his predator instincts flaring to life as he pounced on the small creature. Just as he had them wrapped in his claws, they swung their head up and bit down on his leg, causing him to cry out in pain and release them, and the opossum bounded off with the salmon clenched in their teeth. 

Gabriel wasn’t about to let a  _ prey animal _ insult him and then make off with his dinner, even if he wasn’t eating it anyway. He chased after the opossum, but they had already disappeared into the underbrush. He poked his beak into the leaves, and discovered the hole in the fence through which they had departed. 

After sticking his head in, he found that the hole was much too small for him to follow after the offending creature. He tried to pull his head back out, but the wires of the fence caught in the scruff of feathers on his neck, leaving him trapped. Gabriel squawked in indignation and flailed his wings to pry himself out, with no success, before resigning himself to lying down in the dirt for the rest of the night. 

In the morning, Gabriel’s keeper sighed when he found him with his head stuck in the fence. The exasperated sigh turned into a concerned gasp when he saw the dried blood congealing on his leg. He bundled Gabriel up in a towel and took him to the zoo vet to get his leg bandaged up. Gabriel  _ hated _ going to the vet. He hoped he’d seen the last of that pesky opossum. 

Except they kept showing up. Every night, the same opossum snuck into his enclosure to torment him. Even if he had eaten all the food in his bowl, they seemed to think it was worth the trip just to pick a fight with him, leaving all kinds of scrapes and bites that resulted in even more demeaning vet visits. They always assumed that he had injured himself by being clumsy, rather than coming to the obvious conclusion that he was being terrorized by an opossum from hell. At one point, the vet attempted to protect him from himself by putting a plastic cone around his neck, which was one of the most humiliating experiences he had ever had to endure, especially when the opossum appeared that night and spared him the usual scuffle so that they could laugh at him.

Gabriel was exhausted, but he was never one to give up. He learned their movements through weeks of fighting, and one night, he managed to land a blow on them, claws digging into their shoulder. The injury wasn’t severe enough to immobilize them, but they did leave a trail of blood behind them as they limped out of the enclosure. 

He wondered if he had taken it a step too far. Their fights had become a routine, almost a game, and they always seemed like they were holding back. Play-fighting wasn't his idea of fun, but their presence every night was a familiar constant. Next time he saw them, he would offer a truce.

He didn’t see them again the night after that.

~

Aziraphale sighed as he leaned against the wire fence surrounding the bald eagle enclosure. He pressed his forehead against the cool metal of the fence, and massaged his temples with his fingertips to ward off the impending headache. 

The putter of a food cart on the path behind him lifted his mood. He turned around and saw Crowley, the park’s chef who distributed food to the animals, and also the only zoo employee who really liked to spend time with Aziraphale. 

“Hey, Aziraphale,” Crowley said, handing Aziraphale a croissant in a paper bag. He always brought food for Aziraphale whenever he stopped by the eagle exhibit, which wasn’t  _ why _ Aziraphale liked him, although it certainly didn’t hurt. No, Aziraphale liked Crowley because of the devotion he showered upon him, even when Aziraphale felt like he hadn’t done anything to deserve it. 

Ever so attentive to Aziraphale’s subtle shifts in emotion, Crowley noticed that Aziraphale’s smile didn’t light up as brightly as usual at the smell of the pastry. “What’s wrong?” Crowley said.

Aziraphale turned back towards the enclosure again. “Gabriel didn’t eat his breakfast this morning,” he said.

“Why isn’t he eating this time?” Crowley asked. “Bowl not rotated forty-five degrees?”

“It might have something to do with the dead opossum in his enclosure,” Aziraphale said grimly. 

Crowley peered over his sunglasses into the cage, at the opossum sprawled out in the dirt. “But… that opossum isn’t dead,” Crowley said. Even from this distance, he could clearly see their tiny stomach rising and falling with their breaths.

“Try telling Gabriel that,” Aziraphale said, pointing to the bald eagle sulking on top of a branch in the corner of the habitat. “I think he’s too disgusted to eat.”

“Even if they’re not dead, that opossum sure has a lot of flies buzzing around them,” Crowley commented. “Maybe we should name them ‘Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies.’”

“We are not going to  _ name _ them, we are  _ going _ to get them out of there,” Aziraphale said firmly.

“You mean  _ you _ are. You’re the zookeeper. I’ve got meals to deliver,” Crowley said, climbing back into his glorified golf cart. Normally, Crowley would make any excuse to shirk his duties and spend more time with Aziraphale, but the prospect of being roped into handling a feral opossum seemed to send him running for the hills. Aziraphale groaned, and made his way to the supply shed. 

He procured the net with the longest handle he could find. He didn’t want to touch that mangy animal with a ten-foot pole, but a twelve-foot one would have to do. He opened the door to Gabriel’s enclosure, and nudged the net in slowly, careful not to disturb the opossum. Then, in one swift movement, he slid the brim of the net under their body, and scooped the creature up off the ground. 

Beelzebub — it really was a catchy name — hissed and thrashed inside the net, when they had been convincingly playing dead just a moment ago. “Look, Gabriel!” Aziraphale yelled. “They’re alive, and I’m getting rid of them now!”

If it was possible to be more pointedly ignored by a bald eagle, Aziraphale didn’t think that anyone other than himself would ever experience it.

He hurried out of the enclosure with the net balanced in his hands. The bald eagle exhibit was close to the back of the zoo, near the gate that separated the zoo from the wildlife preserve behind it. Aziraphale turned the net over once he had pushed it outside the gate, releasing the snarling ball of rage back onto the ground.

“Run along home now, little one,” Aziraphale said, in the soft voice he always used with animals, or at least the ones who hadn’t gotten on his last nerve like Gabriel had. 

Beelzebub curled up and licked at a dark spot on their shoulder before scampering off into the woods. “Wait, are you injured?” Aziraphale called after them, as if they would be able to understand and turn around. 

Even if they were just a wild opossum, they might have been a good candidate for the zoo’s rehabilitation program. As it was, Aziraphale’s guilt coiled in his gut at the thought that he had just released a vulnerable animal back into the hostile wilderness. 

He knew that if Crowley were there, he would probably say something cynical to dismiss Aziraphale’s moral quandary. He would say that even if the zoo gave the animal medical treatment, they could still get eaten by a mountain lion the moment they were released. Aziraphale also knew that even underneath all his sarcasm, Crowley had just as much empathy for the animals as Aziraphale did, otherwise he wouldn’t be working at a zoo. 

But Crowley wasn’t there, which meant that Aziraphale had to shake off his worries on his own and get back to the matter at hand, which was that his fussy eagle still hadn’t eaten.

Aziraphale went back to the supply shed and traded the net for his falconer’s gloves, and then entered Gabriel’s enclosure. He picked up the piece of fish he had left for him in his bowl, still untouched. He made his way over to the gnarled tree in the corner.

“Gabriel?” he said, trying to keep his voice as gentle as possible. He held up his arm next to the branch, and the eagle climbed onto him with slow, measured movements, eyeing him suspiciously.

“I don’t know what’s wrong, but I really need you to eat,” Aziraphale said, holding the slice of fish in front of him. He nudged it against Gabriel’s beak, but the eagle turned his head away. “Please?”

Gabriel took the corner of the slice of fish in his beak, which looked promising. He swallowed down several bites of it, but before it had disappeared into his mouth, he hacked it back up and spat it in Aziraphale’s face.

Aziraphale cringed as he attempted to wipe away the fish slime from his cheek with an equally grimy glove. “Gabriel, I really don’t think that was necessary.”

~

Crowley opened the door to the bald eagle enclosure, with two takeout boxes tucked under his arm. “Aziraphale, you still here?” Crowley called.

“Over here,” Aziraphale replied from the far corner of the habitat. Crowley found him sitting on a small, rickety bench underneath the tree where Gabriel perched. “I can’t leave until Gabriel eats. He hasn’t eaten anything in three days.”

“Sounds like you’re going to be here a while, then,” Crowley said. “In that case, I thought you should have something to eat, too.” He brandished one of the cardboard boxes.

“Oh, thank you, Crowley! How thoughtful of you!” Aziraphale said, taking the box in his hands. He set it in his lap, opened it, and breathed in the aroma of the poached chicken in lemon butter sauce, his face glowing with a contented smile. “Did you make this yourself, dear?”

“Er, yeah,” Crowley said, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck, which was suddenly growing hot. “Just an experiment, really, I don’t know if you…”

“It looks wonderful,” Aziraphale said. He picked up the fork inside the takeout box, but before taking a bite, he hesitated. He scooted over slightly on the bench and patted the seat beside him. “Care to join me?”

Crowley could already feel his face flushing beet red, but he wasn’t going to turn down that opportunity. The bench was barely big enough for one person, and even when he precariously balanced himself on the edge of the seat, he still felt his side pressed up against the soft cushion of Aziraphale’s thigh. He opened his own takeout box without looking at it, instead staring at Aziraphale, who had his eyes closed in bliss and made a delighted hum as he savored a morsel of Crowley’s cooking. 

Crowley was so preoccupied by that sight that he didn’t even notice the eagle who had flown down from his perch to land in front of the bench. He didn’t notice until Gabriel stuck his head into his lap, snatched the box out of his hands, and absconded with it to the corner of the cage. 

“Hey — what — Aziraphale, did you see that?!” Crowley sputtered, stumbling up from the bench and onto his feet. “Gabriel just stole my chicken!”

Aziraphale, who had been completely absorbed in his meal until then, glanced up to see Gabriel mantling over the box of chicken like it was his prey. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Crowley,” he said. “But at least he’s finally eating something.”

“You’re worried about  _ him?! _ ” Crowley said.

“Well, yes, the poor dear must be starving,” Aziraphale said. “I can’t imagine not eating anything for three days.”

“You should teach your eagle some manners,” Crowley huffed, sinking back down onto the bench.

Gabriel lifted his head up from the now-empty box with an expression that could almost be called a smile, if he didn’t have a beak, and if it weren’t for the spiteful glare in his eyes that was only for Crowley to see. 

“It looks like he enjoys your cooking,” Aziraphale remarked. “It has been ever so stressful for me, trying to get him to eat…”

“Oh no. No. You can’t possibly be suggesting…” Crowley said, but then he made the mistake of making eye contact with Aziraphale. Those seaglass-green eyes tugged at something deep in Crowley’s soul, and when the hint of a pleading smile lifted those soft lips, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to say no to the implicit question. Aziraphale had him wrapped around his little finger.

So that was how Crowley ended up cooking gourmet meals for the most spoiled, rude, ungrateful eagle in the country. 

The next evening, Crowley walked along the perimeter of the eagle enclosure, carrying a box of food. Immediately, Gabriel caught the scent and swooped down to the ground to chase after Crowley. He hopped along after him, flapping his wings and hissing at him, even attempting to peck at his ankle through the wire fence. Crowley flinched back, and almost dropped the box, shooting Gabriel an accusatory glare. "Aziraphale, your eagle hates me," Crowley complained.

Aziraphale joined him at his side, albeit still staying a safe distance away from the murderous eagle. "Nonsense, dear, he loves you, he won't eat for anyone else. Come along." He led Crowley to the entrance of Gabriel’s enclosure, then closed the door behind him, leaving Crowley feeling a lot like he’d just been shoved into the lair of a hungry hellhound.

Gabriel stalked him, as if he were a predator much bigger than Crowley and not one that barely came up to his knee. “Er, nice eagle,” Crowley squeaked. He opened the box, and unceremoniously tossed it on the ground in front of him. 

Suddenly, a gray blur streaked out from between the roots of the tree, snatching the chicken from the box and dragging it across the enclosure.

“It’s that opossum again! They’re alive!” Aziraphale crowed.

“Of course Beelzebub’s alive. They’ve been hanging out behind my kitchen for the past few days, begging for scraps,” Crowley called back. “Why did you think they weren’t?”

“I let them go into the woods with an injury,” Aziraphale said. “I was quite worried that I had just sent them to their doom.”

“That’s ridiculous. They’re a wild animal. Of course they can handle themselves,” Crowley replied. “Looks like they’re doing a pretty good job of it now, at least. They just stole Gabriel’s dinner.”

“Oh dear. Crowley, do you think you could make another?” Aziraphale said, with his most pouty, put-upon sigh, which would probably be annoying if Crowley didn’t find it so endearing. “It’s just that every time Gabriel doesn’t eat, there’s  _ paperwork _ .”

“No way, I’m not spending another hour cooking for that feathery prick,” Crowley said. 

Almost as if he had understood him, Gabriel decided that this was an appropriate moment to nip at Crowley’s ankles. Beelzebub came to his defense, hissing at Gabriel. The startled bird flung out his wings to take off and tripped Crowley, knocking him face first to the ground.

“Crowley! Are you all right?” Aziraphale called out.

“Could be better,” Crowley yelled back. From his new vantage point on the ground, he spotted a hole in the fence, hidden by the shrubbery. “Aziraphale! Get over here! I found how Beelzebub has been getting in here.”

Aziraphale, hands fluttering, rushed over to the side of the cage where Crowley lay. “What do you want me to do?”

“Close it up!” said Crowley.

Aziraphale picked up a brick from beside the cage, and placed it over the hole in the fence. “There! It’s closed!”

“Thanks, Aziraphale,” said Crowley. He pushed himself to his feet and brushed the dirt off of his black jeans, and hurried back to the exit. 

Aziraphale opened the door for him. “Are you quite sure that Beelzebub was outside the enclosure when you asked me to seal it up?” Aziraphale asked. “I would be worried about leaving Gabriel in there overnight with them. They don’t exactly seem to get along.”

“Eh, it’ll be fine,” Crowley mumbled noncommittally. In fact, he was quite sure that Beelzebub was inside, but he was confident in their ability to fend for themselves. If they ended up killing Gabriel, well… Crowley would feel bad for Aziraphale, having to fill out all that paperwork, but he wouldn’t miss Gabriel one bit. 

~

Beelzebub scratched their claws against the brick, shoving against it with all their strength, but it didn’t budge. They were trapped inside a zoo cage, with the most insufferable eagle they had ever met. 

Gabriel watched from the safety of his perch. They turned around and glared at him, because at least that was something they knew.  _ What are you looking at? _

Gabriel let out a soft sound, almost a chirp.  _ You came back. _

_ Well, yeah, there’s food here,  _ Beelzebub growled.

Gabriel tilted his head with an expression that looked like pity, which made Beelzebub want to tear his wings from his body. They would, if not for the fact that he was sitting atop a swing that was not connected to the ground anywhere, and therefore impossible for them to reach.  _ I thought I killed you. _

_ Yeah, right, _ Beelzebub snorted.  _ A pathetic pet like you could barely even scratch me.  _ That was a lie, but they weren't about to show any weakness in front of Gabriel. 

_ But I saw you! You were dead!  _ Gabriel squawked.

_ I was playing dead, _ Beelzebub corrected him, their fur bristling.  _ I didn’t make it back until daylight, and your keeper startled me. I reacted on instinct. _

_You’re scared of the soft human,_ _but not me?_ Gabriel cawed in disbelief. 

_ I never said I was scared of him,  _ Beelzebub hissed.  _ But even he’s scarier than you are. He trapped us in here, didn’t he? _

_ I’m not trapped. I live here,  _ mused Gabriel.

_ Yeah, I know, you idiot. But now you’re trapped in here with  _ me,  _ which is going to be very scary for you, unless you want to help me escape.  _ They pointed with their nose towards the fence, and then upward at the rope netting hanging over the cage.  _ He blocked my exit, and I can’t chew through the wire fence. But I might be able to chew through those ropes, if you can get me up there.  _

_ If I help you, what would be in it for me? _ Gabriel asked.

_ Not getting mauled when I decide that hurting you is my only option for entertainment,  _ Beelzebub snarled.  _ But if that’s not enough incentive for you, how about this? I’ll help you escape with me. _

Gabriel, up on his perch, seemed to contemplate the offer for a moment before he gave his answer.  _ I’ve always wanted to see what it would be like in the great outdoors. Let’s do it. _

He swooped down and landed beside Beelzebub, presenting his back for them to climb on.  _ Now, don’t go digging your claws into me while you’re back there.  _ They hopped onto his back, and he let out a cry of pain.  _ Ow! Like that! _

_ I’m just trying to anchor myself so that I don’t fall off,  _ Beelzebub insisted, although they didn’t admit that they sunk their claws into his feathers a little deeper than was necessary for traction alone.

Gabriel carried them to the top of the tallest tree. Perched on top of his shoulders, they could just barely reach a rope of the netting. They grabbed it in their teeth, and after a few minutes of gnawing, the frayed rope fell apart. A few more ropes later, they had made a hole in the netting that was big enough for Gabriel to fit through. He beat his wings again to lift them out, then glided to the ground outside the cage.

Once they had escaped, Beelzebub had expected Gabriel to fly off into the night. They hadn’t expected him to  _ follow them _ . That was even worse than being stuck in a zoo cage with him, because now they had to listen to him whine. 

_ I’m hungry,  _ Gabriel complained after they had been walking for a few hours, his claws shuffling in the dirt behind them.

_ Of course you are. You never eat anything, _ replied Beelzebub.

_ That’s because you stole my food!  _ Gabriel squawked.  _ And it’s so cold out here. How can you do anything when it’s this cold? _

_ If it bothers you so much, why don’t you just fly on back to the zoo?!  _ Beelzebub snapped, turning around to face him.  _ I got what I needed. You helped me escape, and I got back home. If you don’t like being a runaway, you don’t need to follow me around anymore. We’re done. _

Gabriel turned his face into his wing with pain in his eyes. Beelzebub hadn’t struck him, but their outburst seemed to wound him as much as any blow.  _ Okay.  _ He pushed off from the ground and flapped his wings, and took off, disappearing into the canopy of trees.

Beelzebub swished their tail in the dirt. They didn’t need him. He was a spoiled zoo animal, and he would only slow them down. He would never make it in the wild, and they weren’t about to be saddled with the burden of caring for him. So why did the thought of leaving him to fend for himself and starve to death in the woods make them feel sick?

A rustle in the trees above startled them, and they jumped into a nearby bush to hide, bracing themselves for a predator to ambush from above. No such animal came, but the noises continued. Beelzebub crept back out and looked up at the canopy, and saw none other than that idiot eagle, tangled in the branches. 

He met their unimpressed stare with a sheepish parting of his beak.  _ A little help here, please? _   


Once Beelzebub had climbed up the tree, and picked twigs out of feathers for who knew how long, they set off to lead Gabriel back to the zoo. Only to get him out of their way, so that they could go on with their life without thinking about him, and no other reason, like that they actually felt pity or  _ fondness _ towards him. No. That would be too disgusting, even for them, and Beelzebub ate out of trash cans. 

_ So why can’t you fly? I thought eagles were supposed to be fearsome hunters, soaring majestically through the skies,  _ Beelzebub asked, their sarcasm as biting as it could be without actually biting him. 

_ I thought I was, _ Gabriel admitted.  _ I thought that if I could just get out into the wild and stretch my wings, I would unlock my instincts and be able to fly free. But I guess flying a few feet in a cage is different from flying out in the open.  _

_ Ever since they took me in, the zoo treated me like I was fragile. They acted like I couldn’t do anything by myself.  _ He looked at Beelzebub expectantly.  _ But you don’t think that, do you? _

Their lips curled back into a sneer.  _ Of course I think that. You just proved how useless you are by crashing into a tree.  _

Gabriel’s wings drooped.  _ Well, it’s a good thing you’re taking me back home, then. _

They reached the outskirts of the woods just as dawn was beginning to rise. The gates of the zoo loomed in front of them in the dim blue light.

_ This is it,  _ Beelzebub declared. _ So long, stupid eagle. _

_ Should I thank you? _ Gabriel asked, which was met with a disgusted hiss. He didn't back down from the subject.  _ You, uh, can come by my cage for food anytime, if you want.  _

_ I think your keeper made sure that I can’t, _ Beelzebub reminded him.  _ But the cook still gives me scraps behind the kitchen. He’s not bad. You should be nicer to him.  _

Gabriel almost choked at that.  _ You’re telling me to be nicer?! _

Beelzebub shrugged their tiny shoulders.  _ Or don’t, I don’t care. I’m heading off.  _

They were just about to retreat into the woods, when the sound of a deep snarl startled them. 

Another shadow moved through the trees nearby, not taking notice of Beelzebub, but with their sights set on the eagle trotting towards the zoo gates. They emerged from the woods, and Beelzebub recognized the tan back and muscular build of a mountain lion. 

Beelzebub’s little voice was made for growls and hisses, not for warning cries. They were meant for hiding in the undergrowth, not attracting attention, but Gabriel’s attention was the only thing they needed in that moment. The shriek that wrenched its way out of their throat was like no sound they had ever made before.  _ Look out! _

Gabriel turned around, and jumped when he saw the mountain lion approaching behind him. He flapped his wings and ascended into the air. Beelzebub only hoped that he had enough strength left in him to make it over the zoo gate. 

He didn’t. After a few wingbeats, he crashed back to the ground in a pathetic heap of broken feathers and twisted wings. 

_ What have we here?  _ purred the mountain lion.  _ An eagle who can’t even fly?  _

_ Who are you? _ Gabriel squeaked out through a shuddering beak.

_ Farah, the queen of the forest, _ the mountain lion replied.  _ You don’t know me? Oh, you must be a zoo animal. Allow me to extend you my warmest welcome to the wild. Too bad you’re going to be my breakfast.  _

Beelzebub’s stubby legs had never carried them so fast. 

They threw themselves between Farah and Gabriel, snarling and baring their teeth at the mountain lion. Gabriel might be a useless excuse for an eagle, but he was  _ their _ useless eagle, and they hadn’t wasted all that time getting him home just to let Farah eat him right outside the gates. 

_ Oh, look, an appetizer,  _ Farah growled.  _ You should know better than to get in my way.  _

Beelzebub unleashed a final warning hiss, and then threw themselves at the mountain lion. 

They landed on top of Farah's muzzle, and before she could thrash them off, Beelzebub sunk their claws into her face. She roared as needle-sharp claws slashed through her brow, shaking her head to dislodge the attacker. Beelzebub released their hold only once Farah had turned away from Gabriel, and leapt to the ground to watch the predator flee. 

Gabriel stared at them in astonishment. But Beelzebub couldn't let down their guard yet. A new threat was approaching. 

~

Seventeen-year-old exchange student Adam Young wouldn't mind doing volunteer community service for his U.S. government class, if only it didn't mean he had to get up so early. He patrolled the zoo on weekends at dawn, making sure that the gates were still locked and the animals were still in their cages. He thought it was a waste of a Saturday morning. It wasn't as if any of the animals could escape. 

He approached the gate at the back of the zoo that led toward the forest, and stopped when he heard a deep, rumbling growl. Then a hiss from a different animal, smaller but angrier. He peeked out from around the corner of the gate, and saw a mountain lion facing down a ferocious opossum in front of a terrified eagle. 

"My followers are going to love this," Adam whispered to himself as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and started filming. He recorded the opossum jumping onto the lion's face and lashing out at her. The opossum had more courage than ought to fit inside their tiny body and not an ounce of self-preservation, because they put up a formidable fight against a creature many times their size. 

"Wait a sec. Eagles don't live in these woods," Adam muttered. That eagle that the opossum was protecting wasn't a wild eagle. It was Gabriel, the zoo's biggest troublemaker, who had apparently outdone his reputation and made an escape attempt with an opossum. 

He opened the gate, and ran towards the group of animals to intervene. The mountain lion, upon seeing a human approaching her, turned and fled in the other direction. Adam stopped the video, and leaned over the two remaining animals.

“Hi, Gabriel. I’m gonna take you home now,” Adam said softly. He offered his hand to the eagle, who climbed onto his arm, but once Adam started to lift him up, Gabriel tried to sink his claws into his work glove, and pecked at his wrist. At the same time, the opossum bit and scratched at his rubber boot, bouncing up and down like they were trying to reach for Gabriel.

“Oh, I get it. You’re friends!” Adam said. He bent down again and held his other hand out for the opossum to climb aboard, then straightened out his arm so that they could scurry up to his shoulder. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t want to be separated from my friends either. Let’s get you both inside.” Both of the animals acquiesced once he picked up the opossum. He carried them both back to the eagle enclosure, and once he had placed them inside, he posted the video.

~

Crowley was running late. He usually made the eagle exhibit his first stop on his loop of the zoo, so that he could see Aziraphale and bring him breakfast, but some other obligations had come up and he didn’t get around to the avian section until ten minutes after opening. He was surprised to find that the eagle cage was already surrounded by visitors, brandishing their phones and clamoring to get a picture. He put the brakes on his cart, and climbed out to see if he could find the source of the commotion.

Aziraphale pushed through the crowd towards him. “Aziraphale, do you know what all this ruckus is about?” Crowley called out to him.

“Our animals have become… a  _ may-may _ !” Aziraphale said excitedly.

“Do you mean a  _ meme? _ ” Crowley offered, with a patient smile and a raised eyebrow.

“Yes! That!” Aziraphale said, beaming. “Adam posted a video of them on his Tweeter, or whatever it is that you call it, a few days ago. Look up ‘interspecies friendship’ on your mobile telephone.” 

Crowley tried not to burst into laughter at all the anachronisms in that sentence, and pulled out his phone. When he searched that, the first result was a video thumbnail of an eagle and an opossum. “Is that Gabriel and Beelzebub fighting again?” he asked.

“Not quite. Just watch the video.” Aziraphale reached over to press play on Crowley’s phone.

“Is Beelzebub attacking a mountain lion? To defend Gabriel? Whoo-ee, I knew that little terror had a lot of fight in them, but this is something else,” Crowley said.

“Isn’t it?” said Aziraphale. “The internet found their tale of unlikely friendship heartwarming, and Adam posted that they were here at the zoo, so now they’re the biggest attraction in the entire park!”

“Wait. Do you mean to tell me that Beelzebub is in there, too?” Crowley asked.

“Indeed! Let me show you,” Aziraphale said. He reached out and took Crowley’s hand — _ Aziraphale was holding his hand _ — and dragged him to the employee entrance to the enclosure. He pointed inside, to where it looked like Gabriel and Beelzebub were locked in a lethal wrestling match, Gabriel’s beak poised over Beelzebub’s throat. But upon watching them for a few more seconds, it became apparent that what looked like aggression was in fact affection; Gabriel was  _ grooming  _ them. They tried to squirm away, presumably because they liked being filthy, but Gabriel kept pinning them under his claws and attempting to nuzzle his beak into the ruff of fur on their neck.

“And the best part,” Aziraphale said, smiling with the warmest glowing cheeks and  _ still not letting go of his hand _ , “is that Gabriel seems happier with them around. He’s been eating his meals without a fuss.”

“Really?” Crowley said. 

“Yes,” Aziraphale said. “Which means that maybe I can afford to take a day off. I’m sure that Gabriel and Beelzebub will do just fine with the interns. We've been seeing each other for so long, but we've never really had a special trip, just the two of us, have we? "

“Er.” Crowley’s tongue struggled to form words. “What?”

“I was thinking that we could go for a picnic, or — ”

“No, I got that. What was the part about us being together?” 

"Oh, Crowley, you've been so patient with me, to let me go at my own pace. It’s just that this is my first romance in a long time, and I wanted to take it slow. And, well, I really do think I’m finally ready to take the next step.”

Crowley’s continued silence made Aziraphale’s face fall. “Oh dear. I must have been reading your signals wrong all along. I’m so sorry, I thought — that is, if you don’t want — ”

“Aziraphale, slow down,” Crowley managed to choke out, and he never thought he would ever say  _ those _ words in that sequence out loud. “I. Yes. Absolutely. But, uh. How long, exactly, do you think we’ve been seeing each other?”

“About three months, I’d say,” Aziraphale replied. “Since that time you gave me that delectable chocolate cake. I interpreted that as a courting gift.”

“Three months. I can’t. I can’t deal with this. I need a moment.” Crowley left a very confused Aziraphale standing outside the gate, and marched into the enclosure.

Beelzebub was rolling around in the dirt, trying to use Gabriel’s attempt at grooming to make themselves even filthier, when Crowley picked them up under the shoulders. They went limp as a rag doll in his hands, almost playing dead, but with their shiny black eyes still open, watching him to find out what the hell he was on about. 

“Beelzebub! I can’t believe it! Aziraphale thinks we’ve been  _ dating _ for  _ three months! _ ” he sputtered, hyperventilating while shaking them back and forth. “I finally have my chance with him, and it’s all thanks to you for taming that horrible eagle, so that he won’t make Aziraphale’s life so miserable. Thank you, Beelzebub.”

Beelzebub licked his hand, a way of telling him to put them down that was gentler than a bite. He released them, and they scurried off to harass Gabriel, who was taunting them from the top of the tree.

The crowd hadn’t stopped taking pictures. An opossum who was friends with an eagle might be weird, but a zookeeper who was friends with an opossum was even weirder. 

Crowley returned to the gate, catching his breath. Aziraphale gave him an amused smile. “You needed a moment with the opossum?” he said.

“Yeah. I’m done now,” Crowley said. Then, he slung his arms around Aziraphale’s shoulders and kissed him. Aziraphale’s arms slid around his waist, his hands just as firm, his lips just as soft as Crowley had imagined, except even more of a frenzy of sensations because it was finally happening for real. 

A gasp of breath brought Crowley’s lips apart from Aziraphale’s. Aziraphale looked up at him with flushed cheeks and rosy lips, and Crowley thought he might pass out. “What was that you said about a picnic,” Crowley murmured, “and leaving the interns in charge of tormenting — I mean, taking care of — those two bastards?”

**Author's Note:**

> CREDITS!  
> [Thestarlitrose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thestarlitrose/pseuds/Thestarlitrose)\- the pic that started it all, from a Facebook group called "Is this Good Omens? No? Too bad, it is now."  
> [Melibe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melibe/pseuds/Melibe)\- the idea for a reverse Polar Opposites  
> [summerofspock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerofspock/pseuds/summerofspock)\- permission for Polar Opposites  
> [Melnoli](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melnoli/pseuds/Melnoli)\- wildlife expertise and also the dish which Crowley makes  
> [Euny_Sloane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Euny_Sloane/pseuds/Euny_Sloane)\- encouragement and motivation  
> [TheFallenCaryatid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFallenCaryatid/pseuds/TheFallenCaryatid)\- the "nose goes" that made me write it  
> And the brilliant brainstorming from everyone that made this fic possum-ible!


End file.
